Shallow water

I got sick of talking last week.
I was sick of the emptiness of words and the shallowness that seems to wrap itself around everything I say. There are deep deep thoughts and reasons below the surface, a thirsty heart and awareness; but I am forever wading through the lethargy of bullsh*t that keeps conversation comfortable. BlaaahH! Where does that come from?

I was mid-sentence in a boring conversation with someone I didn't know - and suddenly I just stopped talking. I smiled and calmly walked away. The entire dialogue made me sick at my stomach. I had portrayed myself as petty, crass and arrogant - and I just didn't want to continue the charade. I couldn't do it anymore, my lips wouldn't move. I couldn't keep speaking the predictable responses to predictable questions. I don't have to. I could be real, I could start over, I could put myself out there and talk about something solid. About motion, or color, or the softness of rocks - its beautiful to be yourself.


Nobody brings substance to the table.
Even though we might have something substantial to say.
We're so damn afraid and insecure with ourselves, that we won't risk a reputation on a misguided sentence. What loss.
When I speak about shallow topics, I can be vocal, passionate, riveting... because my true self isn't exposed - I don't have to be real at all. This is comfortable. If someone disagrees with me, I am not offended, and I don't have to take it personally, because what we were talking about didn't matter anyway. I don't have to let you see the true side of me - and I like that. My deep thoughts and convictions can stay safely out of sight - tucked beneath my fabricated facade.
Ironically, when we have nothing to lose in a conversation, we also have nothing to gain. The communication disappears into a perpetual circle of fake smiles and cliche paragraphs.
Everyone knows that everyone else is shallow. We count on it. And we stopped listening to what anyone else has to say, a long time ago. We are simply waiting for a pause so we can cut in with our own little self-preserving antidote. Ce la vie.

What if someone brought truth to a conversation.
What if they really listened to what you said.
What if you finished talking, and you heard a response instead of just a reply.
We need some substance... we crave it.

I don't have a problem walking away in mid-sentence.... I will probably do it more often now - For the sake of the other person.
Lets swim in some deep water for a change.
Maybe the ocean? :)




(Andrew Tipton)