Tell me I Exist

Playing music at some of the festivals along the road.. I feel sometimes that my music is only as good at the response that people give me.

This is not true. I know for certain, that when I play songs, they come from the inside of my heart, and make me feel relaxed and calm.. I love music, I love being a part of sound and emotion. But sometimes I start playing, and its as if my value is being drawn by the response of strangers.. like I want them to walk up and quietly acknowledge my efforts. I feel this voice inside, this annoying child calling out: "TELL ME THAT I EXIST."


Sometimes, I do not believe in my own existence.
That I'm here, that I'm real, that I have worth.
I laugh at myself when I catch these thoughts.. I know better!

I think a lot of us feel the exact same way though... Just look around!
We are all dying to find our self worth. Simply look at the relationships we chase, the censored ways we interact with each other, the homes we live in, the cars we drive, our pursuits, our thoughts, our songs, our poetry... having people see value in us.. consumes us!
Beyond mere superficiality, we are aching for someone to validate us. Maybe just a glance, maybe with their words, or their envy, or maybe with compliments.. deep down we feel as though we have no worth until someone gives it to us.

I love hearing my own name. Maybe you do too? When a lover whispers it in my ear, or when a Friend says it while we're playing volleyball.. I love hearing my name because I think I am constantly looking for someone to validate my existence here - letting me know I am worth something. I know I am real, but for some reason it registers more deeply when someone else says it.

I think most of us like hearing our own names; metaphorically perhaps... We feed off of the recognition or approval that others give us, because we are not truly convinced of our existence.. our worth. We spend a great deal of our lives striving to achieve and accomplish more, in order to hear people call our names... to qualify us.


WE EXIST. WE HAVE WORTH. It was with us the day we were born.. and the same amount will be with us until the day we depart from these bodies.
If I play music and people love it... I have worth.
If I play music and people hate it... I have worth.
I don't need anyone to approve of me, or acknowledge me, in order to exist.

If we embraced that truth... If we knew it and held it above everything.. Imagine what we could be and do!
What if we could shout our own names and know that we gave ourselves worth..
No more looking for others to say it, no more searching for possessions to give it - it was ours. We would be free just to live.

I exist, you exist - we are already perfect.




Andrew Tipton