Nonordinary Reality

I've been thinking a lot about myself.. about the physical nature of who I really am. When I see a photograph of myself, it looks like a person I know, but I don't feel like I'm really looking at myself; It doesn't seem like that body truly has the ability to contain all that I am.
And when I look in the mirror, I see my face, my dark brown eyes, my lips and mouth, my cheekbones.. but I don't feel myself in the face - it is just the face of a close friend. A face that I recognize, .. much like you would recognize a familiar word.
The word "Tiger" for example, when I see the word "Tiger" I understand that it represents a wild, fierce animal.. but I also understand that the word in itself is not a "Tiger" - it is just a metaphor that alludes to something greater.
The more I stare, the more I fail to see ME.. the being I feel I am. I don't see me when I look at my chest, not in my arms, not in my legs or hands.. its like I live in this structure built to facilitate the REAL ME.. a being who is existing somewhere deep inside.

I have begun considering the idea, that if this "structure", this "body" is only an outlet for expression or survival, then perhaps I am something beyond physical, perhaps I am more like a thought.

I'm curious about what, or who I really am, because I am curious about REALITY. My reality.
Depending on "who" I am, I see two possible choices in my mind, when it comes to my interaction with reality.
The first response, if I assume that I am a "physical" being, (if my body is who I am) then I am bound a completely carnal experience. I will live woven inside an instinctual, surface level reality; a life that is dictated by external pressures. If we exist in a carnal reality, It will be a roller coaster of an experience.. because the physical body is responding to every sort of stimulus: pain, pleasure, fear, frustration, tiredness, etc. My life could one day be a blessing, and the next day be a curse, depending my environment, my physical perception - depending on how my body feels.

If, however, I am separate from physical, if I am something beyond skin, and bone, and eyes and lungs.. (which is how I have begun to see myself), then I believe there is the possibility a nonordinary reality - a personal experience that makes sense regardless of my physical limitations.
If I am a thought, then perception also becomes a thought.. and if perception is a thought, then reality becomes a thought as well. If I prescribe to this idea, then I am no longer translating and responding to my environment.. instead, I have the potential to author my experience.
Thoughts come from me because I myself AM thought.. and my reality is at my discretion because it too is a thought.
This means, that I do not fluctuate in my universal experience.. it means that the same ideas that govern my lifestyle when I am warm and safe.. also govern my behaviors when I am weak or in pain.
The comprehension of life becomes internalized, seared into the walls of my mind instead of gently resting on the surface of my skin.
It would create a life of perpetual balance.




Andrew Tipton