Hungry

I swore off eating meat for 10 days.
Not a long period of time, but considering I find meat entirely delicious - it was tough.
It is strange, that when you aren't participating in something, you become acutely aware of the people who are; there was meat all around me. At breakfast, I watched sausages and bacon vanish into happy mouths. At lunch, it was chicken strips, and sliced ham. At dinner, my carnivorous friends devoured steaks, ribs and pounds of sauce-slathered BarBQ. I watched from behind my lettuce and tomato sandwich.
I am not a vegetarian. I think the flavor of animals is delicious (occasionally), and when I don't eat meat, I am hungry.
I do have a personal respect for animals, I respect what they are, I respect how they should be treated - the balance in our lives in regards to eating them. I am however, not a vegetarian.

While eating one of my "veggie only" meals, I was confronted by one of my friends, "...So why are you not eating meat?", he questioned. I looked up from my pile of corn and replied slowly (almost trying to convince myself), "Because I believe there is something better". I smiled and took another bite of my corn. He didn't look convinced by my vague answer, and continued to prod, "Better? What is better than BarBQ?", he grinned and sunk his teeth into a juicy slab of ribs.
I stared at him for a moment, almost envious, and then went back to my plate of corn. I let him wallow in self-gratification for the rest of the meal - absolutely enjoying the dead animal lying on his plate. But, I enjoyed my meal too - because I do believe there is something better than BarBQ ribs - something much, much better.
The choice to be hungry.

There is a jaguar inside of my head - he is aching to claw his way free and run wild through jungles and through oceans; hungry. I am in the pursuit of letting him loose.
Also in my head, there is a weak, chubby cow. This cow just wants to graze along through a pasture and be safe. The cow is always full, because he never thinks about his food, he never thinks about much of anything - he is not dangerous, he is not wild, and he is never hungry. I am in the pursuit of starving this cow.

There are moments in life, when we make choices - choices about everything. Where we go, what we say, how fast we walk, how slow we run, what we eat. Most of my choices are based on my immediate personal comfort: what I want right now / what I think I need right now. My limitations become dictated by my concept of choice. What do I choose, and WHY do I choose it? Can I chose something else?
How free am I, if I always choice the tastiest, most delicious menu item?
How free am I, if I always give myself what I decided to need?
How free am I, if I am never hungry? Never tired, never well-lived.

I am suggesting that peace, freedom, power, calmness, truth - these things are sometimes brought about by not giving ourselves what we desire or crave - for no other reason than to strip away that desire. To see desire as its true self, to know it as fleeting, as a ghost that passes without a trace.
Our choices can be greater than choices purely based on "best", "worst", or "good" or "bad" - greater, because we are free to choose anything.

My 10 days without meat showed me something beautiful: I want meat, I want it badly, but I don't always have to have it. There is something better than the momentary satisfaction of eating BarBQ ribs, and that is the pleasure of knowing that I can choose not to as well.
Hungry eyes, hungry claws, hungry stomach, hungry heart - stay hungry.



(Andrew Tipton)