The Awareness Paradox

Whenever a section of my life encounters a problem, or breaks down, or doesn't go according to plan, it suddenly owns my complete attention and mental focus. Conversely, when life is working well I rarely take the time to acknowledge my current state of pleasure. Why do negative circumstances draw out my awareness... and why am I oblivious to how good it feels to feel good. There seems to be an awareness paradox. It is a biased way of living.
Why do I only remember how amazing running is... after I sprain my knee? And, why do I only remember how awesome it is to have transportation.. after my van breaks down? Why is it so easy to hate being sick.. but then ignore the feeling of good health? I say that I am aware.. and yet, I let beautiful carefree days go by without ever acknowledging them with a sense of honest gratitude. How pleasurable it feels to have days that I feel good, or days that are the perfect temperature, days that are filled with extraordinary comfort, filled with joy. At every circumstance that goes well.. I should throw my head back and laugh out loud! - Shocked and deeply grateful to experience such a brilliant moment.
Perhaps its that I already expect good things on a regular basis.. do I have an unjust belief that goodness is what I deserve somehow? Why would I believe that? How can I believe that? Maybe I don't notice the f**king amazingness that is surrounding me most days.. because at some point I was told / I decided that it was always supposed to be there. The reality is: its not. I don't deserve any of it.
This week, I have been making time to stop whatever I am doing.. and look around. I've been looking at my hands, my legs, my body, my surroundings, the sun, feeling my skin from the inside out... and just recognizing the pleasure and sensation of the moment. There is unbelievable goodness in most of my days, that gets passed over without a first glance... I want to remember that. I will change that.

(Andrew Tipton)