I was driving today, cruising my way down the mountain on my way to create new music on the dulcimer. I have the overwhelming urge to find an empty space and get lost in the deliciousness of my own musical inclinations. In the scruffy seat beside me sits my Fender amp, and my small gourd of yerba mate tea. I'm heading to the studio loft in Southside - the autumn washed leaves are hanging heavy from the branches overhead. Reds, oranges, dusty yellows. Clinging to the warmth of early November. The winding turns of the Ochs highway, whips my old jeep left and then right and I can't help but grin wildly.
I begin to realize, on this twisting commute, what my soul is aching for... exactly what it is that, somewhere deeply, I tremblingly crave from existence.
"I want freedom, I want creation, I want to write music, I want sincere dialogue, I want true love, I want perpetual intrigue, I want to build treehouses in California,, I want to live simply and eloquently.... " Spontaneously I find myself repeating this list of "desires" to myself. The essence of who I am.. and who I seek to be, flows from my lips. it feels like there is a direct line from the intensity of my heart, straight to the physical world! I feel ferocious, joyful, vibrant, complete. The burst of energy that comes from simply "speaking" what I believe about myself, feel intense and clear.
I realized it has been so long since I allowed myself to SPEAK outwardly (loudly) about my intentions ... and when they spilled out... each one felt 'certain' and 'clear'.
Perhaps WE always know what we are made of.
We MUST speak to ourselves about what we DESIRE. We MUST say to ourselves (EVERYDAY) what it is that we are built from, tell ourselves the story of our captivation with life's mysteries - whatever those my be. We must speak up during our driving, or walking, or daily normalcy.. and scream inside our hearts to shake loose the dust that gathers on our dreams.
We live in a place that seeks to limit our expectation and affection for ourselves. We are taught that we must choose from stories that already exist. I do not agree to that!
Our identity is not tethered to the life story of anyone else... not in the past or present.
We do not have to agree to the life-choice of anyone else.
We are making the future right now.. we are the edge of the unknown, the edge of "never-before".
Obey the part of yourself that you ADORE.. pursue it relentlessly!