Tuesday, April 29, 2008
There was this tiny thought in my head today about us.
about everything that makes us anything. You have to ask yourself the question, "who am I?" what makes me me? A difficult question? no. Nothing makes me anything - I am myself regardless of everything. However! what is it that I do, what I wear, whatI say, the thoughts I think, the places where I go, what I look at, what I eat - what is it that makes up me?
I realized today how little I believe certain movements ARE me. I don't think work is me, yet I would say that adventure is me. How does that work? Where is the line? I don't associate things in my life with the person I don't want to be. I try to chose what I am, by selecting just a few movements from my life - and I say "those" are who I am. ARE THEY? I am, you are, we are everything we do. We are: watching a movie, we are sleeping, we are whining, we are eating, we are laughing, we are swimming in the ocean, we are climbing a mountain, we are the the road we drive, we are words we read, we are the things we say, we are what we think. That is powerful!! we are exactly ALL that we do.
Does that make you want to change anything? I want to change. There experiences that currently ARE ME.. that I don't want to be. If everything I do, in some way, becomes me; I am convinced that life should be so intense, so strong, so vibrant, that all that I do, I am thrilled about, dangerously intense about, passionate about, I am glad I am.
It is all you - every movement you make - not some, not many, ALL of them! I will move in ways that are worth myself.
Monday, April 28, 2008
I am lost for thought. I know what I think, I know the dreams, the memories, the concepts, the pleasure - but I am lost in the complexity of truth tangled between my thoughts.
I lose myself in the instant when truth is realtive to to what I know or what I have decided about life. I argue, I debate, I challenge for the sake of being right. Whatever the issue, be it deeply spiritual, be it theory, be it knowledge, I fight because I am convinced that my answer is true. But... because one thinks themself to know what is, does that affect what is in any way? Does my belief dictate the flow of motion? Does thought or wisdom or conviction alter the absolute being of truth?
I have come to this conclusion: motion is unaffected (entirely) by my subjective perception. TRUTH IS. Whatever our decision, be it true, be it false, interesting, complex, mathmatical theoretical, .. the answer only changes life within our minds. We may live different afterwards, we may change ourself, our world, others.. but truth has always been. There is no dependence upon you or I, no need for proof, no convincing, no debate - what is. period.
Life, beauty, pain, motion - we are in it. live it.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I love the fact that art is subjective.
I love the mystery,
I ladore the story behind a photograph or a painting.
I love the motion of a brush as it glides paint onto an empty canvas.
The sound of imagination.
I love the way a curve of a line can be sensual, strong, or defiant.
I am entirely lost in the unteathered artist, the artist who has nothing to lose, no reputation to uphold, no thought of recognition or credibility or instigation - that artist has hands that can move freely, they have a mind that is unclouded, uncaged.
We are complex, beautiful, strong, wild, brave, daring, free.
I love the absolute rebellion of motion. The rebellion from stillness.
Einstein said that time is realitive to speed. The faster you go, the slower time goes. Here is a new thought, travel is porportionate to peace. The further you go, the move places you breathe in, the more peaceful you become.
Travel changes people. I'm not talking about culture, or ideas, or new concepts which are learned along the way - simply travel. When you travel you are placed outisde of yourself, outside of predictablity, of safety, outside of everything you know about who you think you are. YOur body changes, your eyes brighten, your mind scrambles and unscrables itself. You feel yourself "alive", you don't "feel alive" - but you ACTUALLY feel yourself living, moving, existing in this world. You hear yourself talk, you feel the rythem of your heart, you smell your skin. It is as if you are the yourself have met for the very first time - you see this living being, you have never touched or talked to before.
Every trip is different, every place.. every rock, every sunset, each one changes you and changes your state of conciousness - be it ever so slightly.
And that changes everything.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I am a confident person. I know much, I study much, I think much, I write much. There are shifts though every once and again - when I'm in a new place, surrounded by words and thoughts out of my circle. My diamond of existence changes angles, the sides shift, the solid foundation that I had underneath my feet is swept away, and I find myself planted on a new facet where what I know and what I think mean absolutely nothing. Painful as it may be, it is euphoric.
To have the greatest ideas in your mind, brushed aside. To have the deepest feelings twisted. To rethink where you stand.
humilty first, then awe.
There is an incredible swell of life that boils up inside of me when I am shown how little I know, how small my view of truth. I can't contain myself, I have to learn, I have to shut the hell up and listen, I have to change.
So much I don't know - and so much to learn.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I love myself. I'm ok admitting that. I am losing insecurity, losing doubt, losing arrogance, gaining perspective. When you love yourself you are ok with loving the rest of the world.
Today is beautiful because of how short it was. Today was warm, I watched fireflys flickering, I heard birds singing to each other, I smelled fresh cut summer grass, I ran through a town without an agenda, I stretched, I watched the clouds fluff away, I drove my jeep slow, I talked to a woman, I listened to a child laugh, I jumped, I thought about time, I thought about pain, and I am not bound by either, I ducked under a tree, I danced in front of stragers, I took off my shirt, I smiled, I ran a redlight, I ate fish, I ate an apple, I read a book. And it was absolutely amazing.
The days are priceless.
I deserve nothing.