I rememeber. now.

   I am running through wooded trails tonight..  jumping boulders, splashing through creeks, dodging fallen trees..   my path illuminated only by the faded glow of November starlight, etching its way through leafless branches. 
I'm breathing heavily, my Aries mind ripping and ravaging complex thoughts, inhaling and exhaling the sweet blur of darkness.    Its a good thing to run alone, at night, in the woods.   Its a true experience..  I am what I am here - and that is it.   
there is nothing to see really... save the blackness..  and no one else around to see me..  
it keeps things intimate.   I am consumed by unadulterated motion.   

I am standing in a field now..  panting,  sweating, gazing upwards at those tired stars..  the veins in my arms are trembling,..  I can feel the muscles in the top part of my legs, where the thighs connect to the knees..   and I remember now the last thought..

friendship. 

I've been turning it over in my mind in the dark.   Chasing it down.    As if it was out there,  and I could run it to the ground..  catch it.  make it talk.  

I keep coming to a certain conclusion tonight.. that in every part of my existing..  I am what I consume.   
Particularly tonight,
I am recollecting the "people", the "friendships" that play intimate roles in my life..
the people who I chew into, and lick and devour  - their words, and their ideas, and their action, and their soulfulness.   
Standing here.. hands on my hips,  eyes wide, staring into the blackness..  deep inhalations..   
I am shoving aside (as much as I am able) my preconceived reasons for adhering or rejecting those friendships.  
I want to see them clearly... as either sponsoring my alchemy..  or attributing to my erosion.       Because, if anything in life is going to shape me...   I believe its going to the people I keep close.    
And I want to consume the best people.   Without compromise. 
Just like the food I agree to eat, or just like this running...   there is a reason to it! 
It is making life more delicious..  it is building my mind, and my strength and my love. 
So tonight,  identifying those people..   ones who DO THAT,  and those that do not..  is of utmost importance.    
There is not time for lesser ways of being.   

And..  thanks to the darkness..  my thoughts become very intimate - they turn inwards... directing the question towards my own character.      I find myself asking...  am I the person that I want to consume?      And if so...  what parts of me are ripe and good... and what parts do I need to separate from?     To move.  Towards alchemy.   

I wipe sweat away from my lips...  and stand still for a long moment.  

these are my thoughts. 





Andrew Tipton