Everything Is Yours

Sitting on the tailgate of the pickup truck,  I am munching down salsa-verde covered carnitas, grilled chicken, and large slices of mango..   my lips are burning and my eyes keep tearing up.   Its a delicious authentic Mexican lunch..   and despite the salsa melting my face, I am enjoying every savory bite.         
Somewhere between devouring homemade tacos, and squinting to keep the Saturday-afternoon sunshine out of my eyes..   I am having a conversation on "Why I'm not married.. and why no children?"  

I'm sitting next to several Mexican friends of mine..  and I'm trying in vain to describe my beliefs about relationships.   I can see from their confused eyes, that my words are not entirely making sense.   I blame half of the confusion on my imperfect Spanish..  and the other half on my beliefs themselves.   My view and pursuit of "women", is definitely far from conventional.    

"I don't understand", says one friend.    "Why can't you just settle down and have some kids?".   

 I laugh.. and look him in the eyes.. 
"Because that isn't the life I want right now".         
As I take another bite of a carnitas taco..   I grin with a mouthful.  

In the center of this conversation..   I recognize myself..   but from the other side.    I hear my own disbelief and my own impulse to "sway" nestled in the words of my friends. 
 From their perspective,  I must seem like a complete fool..    I mean,  who wouldn't want to settle down and have kids!!?     Isn't that the dream?   
To them... its seems like I am missing out on a very important part of family life..    but for me, its quite the opposite.  

And it hits me..     it is a dream..  but it isn't my dream.   

Ironically, 
I am usually the one attempting to sway people..    subversively, openly, quietly, ferociously..  its usually me.   I have my own belief about life; about truth, about the definition of virtue.. about who we should be becoming, and what we should pursing..   I have my answers for these things..   

Its a difficult decision to offer a person your approval...  to find meaning and dignity in their own design and perception of existence -  no matter how controversial you might find it.  
Often, I find myself wanting something from a person..   trying them to get to a place in the their mind,  where they see what I see.. or believe the same things about life that I do.    And if they don't..  my tendency is to devalue the meaning and beliefs that they have chosen for themselves.    

I realized that in my own mind...  sometimes, I am assuming people are "missing out"..       and sometimes, people assume that I am missing out.  
But the reality is,  no one is missing anything. 
 We are simply here.    Living by the terms that we have agreed to ourselves.   

To offer that recognition to another person is a great gift.
To become an advocate..  of living a life..    no matter how it seems.. 
 
I learned that today.    On the tailgate... eating tacos. 




Andrew Tipton