Watching January

 

Its the heart of January.
 Bleak skies, rainy nights, and the desperate, glassy-eyed, sun-deprived stares on people's faces.    The leaves on the trees have fallen, their bare branches revealing the dirty, scarred, brokenness of the winter landscape.  Patches of garbage strewn along highway medians, muddy dirt roads, streaks of dulled, chipped paint on the sides of dilapidated trailers.
  Its a reminder of the imperfections of this space..  there is an absence of glamor and inspiration.

I'm driving county roads this morning..  watching all of this scroll by..   the bleakness and the gray; the dead grass in the fields... the weather-worn roofs of old barns.  
    I slow down for a random, mud-covered horse, standing on the side of the road..
she just stares ahead blankly as I cruise by. 

 Normally, my first response is... escape. 
I think for a moment that I rather be somewhere else... somewhere warm,  somewhere with sunshine, somewhere.. where its easy to sink into a state of habitual happiness.

But as I keep driving..  I begin to see things differently.

 I realized that.. today...  I didn't feel happy...  and not only that..   I didn't want to.....
 I didn't need to.     
And that absence of desiring to escape the moment...  felt genuinely, vulnerably, deeply good.
As I drove..  watching the bleakness of January..
 I kind of fell in love with it in a way..
It was like watching part myself drift by outside my truck window.
The deserted places, the rusty, dirty, imperfection..  the sadness..
It was unassuming... honest..  simply existing and enduring the coldness of winter.. 
just like me. 
And somewhere inside of me was glad for that reflection.   

 I never made an agreement with myself, or anyone, to be "happy constantly"..
 but sometimes I feel as though I did. 
  There is this cultural pressure to achieve happiness at all costs..  and I think it undermines my ability to simply embrace life at times.  

I am presently human..  and the truth of it is that I am gifted with the ability to FEEL many emotions..  to experience the pleasure and bliss of life... but just as much, the gray and the tragedy.   

I don't need to escape January. 
I don't need a "paradise" to take the place of an Alabama back road.  
 I don't have to manufacture or fashion happiness out of scraps of distraction.

I can watch it..  and accept it..   and in doing that, also accept myself. 


I think to truly move towards goodness, muchness, greatness..   we should make moments to become comfortable with the weakest, most unimpressive sides of ourselves.. 
so that we remember that all of this is ours. too. 

 

 

 

 

Andrew Tipton

 

 

Everything Is Yours

Sitting on the tailgate of the pickup truck,  I am munching down salsa-verde covered carnitas, grilled chicken, and large slices of mango..   my lips are burning and my eyes keep tearing up.   Its a delicious authentic Mexican lunch..   and despite the salsa melting my face, I am enjoying every savory bite.         
Somewhere between devouring homemade tacos, and squinting to keep the Saturday-afternoon sunshine out of my eyes..   I am having a conversation on "Why I'm not married.. and why no children?"  

I'm sitting next to several Mexican friends of mine..  and I'm trying in vain to describe my beliefs about relationships.   I can see from their confused eyes, that my words are not entirely making sense.   I blame half of the confusion on my imperfect Spanish..  and the other half on my beliefs themselves.   My view and pursuit of "women", is definitely far from conventional.    

"I don't understand", says one friend.    "Why can't you just settle down and have some kids?".   

 I laugh.. and look him in the eyes.. 
"Because that isn't the life I want right now".         
As I take another bite of a carnitas taco..   I grin with a mouthful.  

In the center of this conversation..   I recognize myself..   but from the other side.    I hear my own disbelief and my own impulse to "sway" nestled in the words of my friends. 
 From their perspective,  I must seem like a complete fool..    I mean,  who wouldn't want to settle down and have kids!!?     Isn't that the dream?   
To them... its seems like I am missing out on a very important part of family life..    but for me, its quite the opposite.  

And it hits me..     it is a dream..  but it isn't my dream.   

Ironically, 
I am usually the one attempting to sway people..    subversively, openly, quietly, ferociously..  its usually me.   I have my own belief about life; about truth, about the definition of virtue.. about who we should be becoming, and what we should pursing..   I have my answers for these things..   

Its a difficult decision to offer a person your approval...  to find meaning and dignity in their own design and perception of existence -  no matter how controversial you might find it.  
Often, I find myself wanting something from a person..   trying them to get to a place in the their mind,  where they see what I see.. or believe the same things about life that I do.    And if they don't..  my tendency is to devalue the meaning and beliefs that they have chosen for themselves.    

I realized that in my own mind...  sometimes, I am assuming people are "missing out"..       and sometimes, people assume that I am missing out.  
But the reality is,  no one is missing anything. 
 We are simply here.    Living by the terms that we have agreed to ourselves.   

To offer that recognition to another person is a great gift.
To become an advocate..  of living a life..    no matter how it seems.. 
 
I learned that today.    On the tailgate... eating tacos. 




Andrew Tipton

Swimmer

The ocean needs swimming
like
the night needs rest,
rock, paper, goodness,
every time,  takes the win,
because
the only reason for any of this
must be somewhere inside you
where
you found out
you believe
it. 
even in January,




Andrew Tipton

Pleasures Await you By the Seashore.

Andrew Tipton

The Secret Language of Words

People are listening..
 even when we don't think they are..  and even when they don't think they are.      We are hearing each other.   The way in which we choose to talk..  the emotion and energy we exude.. is not just filling our ears for the moment..  its abiding, even after the conversation ends. 
We may think we are speaking casually,  but this is an illusion.    

  realizing that those words don't just DISAPPEAR,  they are going places, affecting things in profound ways.      
   Its like we are speaking this separate, secret language..  a language that reaches beyond the surface level.. into the depths of us.      Its a language that is not temporary.. but rather filling the spaces behind us, and in front of us.    


I am under the impression that the thoughts and language that we choose.. are of utmost importance.






Andrew Tipton

Ally

"To affect the quality of the day,  that is the highest of arts."

- Thoreau

 

 

WHO IS MY ALLY?  
(WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP?) 

   I have recently been re-considering my idea of partnership, or a friendship for that matter - readdressing the parameters of how men interact with each other... or for that matter the relationships of men and women..  of who I allow into my own inner circle.     

Friendship is becoming this very intimate and powerful device for me..   I am beginning to see its true potential and its ultimate purpose.   A purpose that reaches beyond the clichés of casual masculine interaction.    And the more I consider it.. the more I am drawn to this idea of confrontation..  of challenge and a reciprocation of power.    This necessary masculine interaction with something (or someone) whose purpose is to draw muchness out of me.  A being who resonates with the desire for my betterment, my strength and power.  
Even if that brings with it conflict... and discomfort.    
   
Think about it... most of our male interactions are based on making friends with those guys who make us feel "good" about ourselves.   We hang out with other men,  because they reciprocate our energy towards life.    This is an excellent criteria..  but it should not be the only criteria.     This type of interaction keeps us content and temporarily satisfied..  but it does not address our deepest masculine longing to "evolve in muchness".      If interaction with our friends is always warm and safe..  then they/we are not truly serving our fullest purpose:  to sharpen each other.  
To elevate the quality of each other..   to elevate the quality of our pursuits. 

As men,  we should come to a point where we ask ourselves..
 "Who do I want to become as a man?" 
 In terms of our ethics, our morality, our power, our attitude, our belief..    We should define it..  make it known and hold ourselves to it.    That definition should begin to affect the way we personally live out our life.    But, beyond our personal agreement with our masculinity..  we should begin applying our desire to our friendships!    
Building "allies" that reflect our intention... and "allies" that hold us to the agreement that we have made with our self.

 I see that the role of a "friend" is to draw out MUCHNESS. 
 It is the role of the "ally" to make me uphold the agreement that I have made with myself... this personal agreement to pursue goodness.     
A true ally / friend does not wish us to fail.. or seek our destruction..  but rather presses us to uphold our own power - to become that thing that we ourselves are seeking.  

This is such an awesome metaphor for what is possible in our masculine relationships!
I desire this attitude to permeate my idea of friendship -    
"....Affecting the quality of the day."   that is such an eloquent statement from Thoreau..    I stumbled across it yesterday.. and it tied this thought together..
I want FRIENDS / ALLIES that desire that... men that want to "affect the quality of the day"... and in doing so,  want to affect the quality of themselves... and subsequently, the quality of ME! 

As we embrace our evolution,  we should embrace also this idea of an ALLY.  
To become men who challenge our friends to uphold their agreements with life..
offering our attention, and our respect, and our confrontation..  because those are all elements that we desire for ourselves.


This belief is uncomfortable..
 it is not an easy thing to be challenged to step into our greatness... or to be the one to challenge another person.   It would be easier to just "live and let live"..   But if we are to move forward,  with our freedom, and our MUCHNESS..  I see this as the next step into friendship.     Not taken lightly..  and not clasped with self-righteousness..  but simply motivated by our inner, and ultimate desire to see ourselves and our brothers reach new heights.  




Andrew Tipton

Essential Thought Part 1 //

"There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it, and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself."

 

- H.D. Thoreau