I beginning to admire myself from the inside out.
The creation of wholeness, of strength and well being come from our attention to the lonesome spaces - the deeper quiet side of self.
When we hope in people, we are truly hoping in that unseen part of them. "My god," we say to ourselves, "I hope they are truly the way they appear to be." When we say this, we must in turn look back into ourselves. Life truly becomes for us what we are. Pursue goodness.
There is a quiet warmth to her lately, a gentle thoughtful look that brings you inside and makes you want to stay longer than expected. She says she desires stillness and I admire that.. She says these are the last of the good years, the last of the young ones.
I've always thought so too. It is a strange thing to think about not climbing the steps up to her apartment - the scent of sandalwood and paintings of nimbus clouds. The coffee plant that was once so fragile has outgrown its space.. And maybe us too.
The leaves that surround her tiny balcony in the summertime have all fallen from the branches. You can hear the trains in the winter. The prayer flags tattered and faded.. Now have character. The walls are covered in the stories of the past few years. Letters, maps, poetry, sadness, joy.
I come up here to grow sideways.. to practice my synonyms.
I come up here to listen to music and to perfect my smile.
Truth starts over mid-sentence.. even while we're still speaking, we begin to see things differently. Not because we choose to, but because we want to. Always be growing. Recreating.
I admire that about her. To see the world as it is.. you must always be changing too.
We fail, and we die,
We are victorious, and we die,
We are families, and we die
We are vagabonds, and we die,
We are lovers, and we die,
We suffer, and we die,
We are creationists, and we die,
We laugh, and we die,
We teach, and we die,
We learn, and we die,
We are enlightened, and we die,
We are prophets, and we die
And the world takes notice just before it dissolves into the birth of a supernova.
The sweet incandescent thoughts we whispered and the wars we waged
Dissolve.
All things balance in the stillness that follows,
And the stars breathe loudly,
A sigh that wanders infinitely through time.
And we were before we began.
As much as we'll ever be.
I have found myself taken with the idea of intuitive timing. I am discovering an earth that is intimately aware of my condition, and my availability. It is as if I have the potential to fit snugly into an elaborate puzzle that has been in progress for thousands of years. 'Intuition'', i believe, is a perpetual awareness of significant and unique experiences. Realizing at any given moment that a person or a action has great meaning to my thread of life - despite an inability to comprehend the reason. It is the acceptance that life has a greater intention than what our eyes and minds have the ability to see. we are limited by our need for closure and rational logic.. but i do not believe this is always the method of the universe. sometimes the plot exceeds our own story.. because of our limited perspective of time we are unable to see every detail unfolding. The past, the future, our present.. they all converge at odd and mysterious points.. Places that seem of little importance unless we are expecting their arrival. At no point in life is an action or circumstance isolated.. it only appears to be because we are so close to the moment. I am learning to abandon my own rules and justification for time. Intuition is watching. Intuition, is feeling the depth of an experience... a conversation, or a smile from a stranger, an strange thought.. and watching where it leads us. It is the lessening of our own forcefulness, the subsiding of our habit of creating a rational environment.. intent on controlling the outcomes of circumstance. Our timing is not the universe's timing... Our rules are not its rules. This is how it starts at least.. I feel as though i am beginning to see myself surrounded by light, and my path surrounded by an equal lightness.. a presence that guides me onto a conversation or action. I am just watching life grow roots. i am just watching the layers unfold. Andrew Tipton
These.
every softness and roar,
every color and yarn,
Each motion, every moment. These days are epics.
We cannot comprehend of what quality until time has stretched
us, a bit further.
Yet, each is miraculous.
If you believe one thing. Believe in this.
It is fascinating to me how we treat ourselves differently depending upon the presence or absense of others.
It's as if we live double lives - one version of ourself takes shape when there is a crowd, and the other when we are certain of our complete seclusion.
It is not a new thought, I know. We might assume that this is simply how life is lived, extending effort when it is socially required, and then withdrawing when we have time to ourselves. It's our culture, it's what we do. People need time to unwind, to relax and chill out.
But, what I have noticed (mostly in myself) is that the quality of our time spent alone seems greatly diminished compared to the moments we share with others. there is an increasing and fierce difference not only in what we do, but the level of attention and affection that we give ourselves when no one else is watching. In short, our alone time is missing love.
I think one of the great benefits to social exposure is that it unleashes a side of us that wants to impress, wants to speak about fascinating topics, wants to savor delicious meals or enjoy life unsparingly. our exuberance creates an extremely positive atmosphere most of the time, and we walk away from a day or night feeling alive and passionate. We treat our bodies well and we treat our minds well when we are interacting with others.
On the reverse, think of the time that is spent alone.. when the only person around is ourself. Does it look different? why do we spend so much effort on our interactions with others, and yet devote so little affection to our own sacred aloneness?
I think most of us have a debilitated perspective on what it means to have time just for ourselves. For most of us, our primary focus in life revolves around relating to and enjoying other people - unfortunately that creates an unengaged, disinterested attitude towards aloneness. While we certainly need space to recharge and relax, there is so much pleasure that can come from treating ourselves well, even when no one else is nearby. Our self is the most important being in our universe, it is our closest friend, our greatest ally, our health, our wellness.. I believe that the quality of life we enjoy is greatly reflected in how we fill our empty spaces.
I want to advocate self-enchantment.. intense and deliberate. I am excited that we each have space to be ourselves uninhibited! what a gift! Im excited to begin seeing my aloneness in a different light, taking a wilder and more ambitious interest in self.
vivir y morir son comunes y porque son comunes, tienen disappered en nuestras mentes. para evolucionar, creo que debemos tomar nosotros mismos a los lugares comunes. en la tierra y en el conocimiento, y tenemos que ver esos lugares con nuevos ojos - los ojos de los niños que todavía tienen admiración por los detalles comunes. Gran parte de lo que hacemos, se realiza a ciegas.
Talk to me. Tell me everything. There is nothing I do not care to know.
You drive me crazy. good ways. Sideways.
I ask.. I am asking.
| I do not see a straight line. leading anywhere.
And part of me wants to make sure that the world knows, ,
I see that there can't be anything but what has already been waiting. In the depths.. ocean blue.
can you find the source of rain. but it falls,
Even. When we can't grasp ourselves. Yet, here we are.
I admire the ones who take care to live recklessly.
I admire the thirsty, the screamers, the dis-conventionalists. I adore the epic silences that follow. flickers of wisdom and tiredness.
we are each born screaming... And gradually fall silent. Asleep in our armchairs,
I see no reason to admire practicality. I have the urge often times to sail in to the ocean and not to look behind me.. but I know I would. And I wonder if sometimes to be whatever it is that the world needs, perhaps you must become something you do not yet believe in. yet yourself,
Begin and find him walking beside you. Already.
This is a track from Jesse Cook's newest album.. "The Blue
Sessions"
I am fascinated by the feeling of this. Not just the song, (which is my favorite
by the way) but the resonating shift
in his music.. you can literally hear the change - its not a gentle step in a
new direction.. its a leap somewhere into an unknown darkness.
My first time listening, I was entranced by the black moodiness.. its so
out-of-character for Jesse.. and that feels wildly good to me.
So much of my thought recently has been focused on returning to a sense of impractical choice. I find that there is such a quick
response in myself to step away from bravery.. an almost automatic behavior to hide behind
the practicality
of a decision - (not many people in this culture will call you out on adhering to a practical lifestyle). There is a great deal of security making
choices that have little risk.It
becomes our habit, I think, to turn away from our fantastic and adventurous
mind..
But this is such an uninspiring way of living! When we always choose the
practical route.. we quietly shut away the marvelous side of being alive. We may live safely, and we may die
comfortably, but there will not be a story worth sharing in the end...when our time is finished, the world will never
have felt our presence, never known that we ever came or went.
I am beginning to admire the impractical choices of others.. the ones based
on something deeper and more passionate than predictable and rational decision
making.These
are the ones to watch – these are the people that are excited to be here.
This album.. Blue Sessions, is a punch in the face of practicality. Jesse Cook let go of the musician he is known
to be.. he is challenging the roots of practical expectation. I am excited to see that! I am excited to feel that same urge inside my
own bones.
We try to make ourselves.. to keep ourselves something tangible, and coherent, and lasting.. but it is the definition of self that confines self.
We are convinced that we must cling to what we have built around ourselves. The stories must last! I AM! We scream that mantra. but we are not our stories. We have no claim on our trophies or our failures. We are not yesterday.. anymore than yesterday is today. We are the now. We are the moment that is happening. We are the day in hand, the certainty of hope, the racing heart.
I have a failing will to be anything that I have ever been. I am curious and terrified to discover what person lies beyond my expectations.
We are not confined to live as we have ever lived. To think as we have ever thought, or to speak any word that has ever left our lips before.
we are born into this planet's culture..
born into a culture that has already established laws, and walls, functional codes of living... a culture that already has definitions of truth, and "invented" methods of living. As we grow up, our SELF is filtered through these methods of living - methods whose permanence and establishment preceded us.
We accept life as we see it... because that is how we have always "seen" it. Since we did not witness the origin of many ideas, we do not see them as permeable.. instead, we accept them as fixed, eternal, "truths"..
I think there is a struggle to adapt ourselves to the culture that birthed us.. pressing against our minds and our imaginations in an attempt to "function properly".
Since we have been born into a world that already has answers.. we assume that we do not get to invent answers anymore.. at least not fundamental ones. That leaves us in a broken state of being.
It is time to reconsider ourselves as the authors of our culture. We do not have to mindlessly accept the principals of previous generations! This is not a call for rebelliousness, this is a lament for "awareness", for the pursuit of evolution and clarity. Life is motion.. all of life.. we cannot assume that simply because principals have been in place for many years, that those principals cannot be challenged, changed, or improved. We do not have to fear attempting to shape our environment.. rather than ourselves. Our culture is malleable.
I have seen faults and severe problems with certain methods of my culture.. the impoverishment of relationships, our lacking perception of well being.. etc.
But, I believe a person must believe in the permeability of truth before they can reclaim their power of creation. I am just beginning to comprehend that power... to believe that I can change fundamentals of my culture, and the culture of the future.
Ryan and I were talking last night in Yosemite over beer and pizza... about the different ways to engage the experience of life. It seems that so much of our energy is devoted to comprehension, perfection and recitation, we sometimes forget how to 'experience'.. or to be swept away be 'the experience'. I have met many people over the last month.. I have traveled all over the map.. and I am finding that there is such a difference between those who know and understand life ... and those who can't help but lose themselves inside it.. like the difference between a person who plays an instrument well, and knows everything about it.. about "how" to play, the technique and theory.. and the person who plays out of sheer devotion to sound and energy. Such a contrast..
The Tao talks about the beauty of understanding nothing... and I imagine that is a beautiful paradox,.. it points to how we begin to "see" each other and places and animals and water... and everything else.. with an openness and an un-decided / un-resolute attitude. When our minds are not made-up, then they are still open. I think this leads to a respect and a pleasure for our universe's expanding wonder.
We live in a world that is challenged, changed and disturbed by our interaction. Our intentions have teeth - as much purpose and fulfillment as we allow them.. we give ourselves room to breathe, but that space is hollow - moments lacking definition. there is no room to breathe in this place. I mean that tonight, I have hallucinations from exhaustion.. there is no room to breathe. BUT I am stronger than ever, more alive, more vivid, more aware.. because we must always remember to be ourselves. The self is never gone, never depleted, never vanquished, never taken.. it is always there to draw from, to come back to and begin again. Tonight I am a dream with shoulders and a name. I think sometimes we fear loosing ourselves upon our world, because we fear that we will vanish away with the words that leave our mouths, It is not true... have found that we are larger, and more powerful that we realize. There is not an precipice into which we will vanish, NO. there is not a place EVER where we must surrender our "SELF" and retreat away from who we were born to become. We are beyond these bodies, beyond our comfort and our tiredness.. we are the person buried inside a sunrise - impossible to fathom, and impossible to be undone.
The stables are on the left, nineteen
horses, one black one. painted
splotches of white, nimbus clouds in the night
dark
There ways. Their sweat and mane, scent.
He draws cyclones in the sand with his fingers,
draws, their attention, and paints the corral
with music from his eyelids.
There is a red line to the east. grows
into a circle. fits
into the spaces between their ears
makes
them fire stallions.
the horizon is an ember, is a city, and then is a volcano. here
comes the feeling
of losing control. again. here comes the place. meant,
we all imagine ourselves riding bare back through
our dreams.
moon beams.
coyote screams.
the reins hang loosely over the saddles.
I just want to ride!. gallop through the night
for the pure sensation of fast / to nowhere.
imagines it. brings chills to his skin and body.
the black horse with the star on its nose stares into my thoughts.
no words.
can describe a moonrise in the desert.
somehow we reconcile our fear of each. others have been scared to death,
broken all four legs,
but here we are.. alive,
dancing in each other's faces
; the desert is alive, the rocks are alive, they make standing with you
bearable
I keep looking at my hands.. and so I am not hopelessly lost inside your beautiful
copper face
The other eight-teen horses watch us from the corners of their eyes..
jealous. no.
certain of our diminished sanity.
they admire us.
The sky has edges. and
they are made of patchwork. silk quilts.
Black light.to the touch.
I swum laps in waves of tall bending grass,
at sunset. you almost drown in their red golden.
deepness.
Tree pose. As an island.
Closes his eyes and there are two hawks waiting.
for a conversation.
Ravens follow me to the edges. and linger on fence posts.
If you can speak the language of stillness. Now is the time!
For an entire song. Or. Until your legs break.
from underneath.
His fingers stretch in perfect. threads to the sky.lines
to the center of the moment.
-----She says: "yes, balance does exist.. yes." it does.
And it grows towards him..
He believes in the subtleties; black birds swaying on.on powerlines.
E VEN LY. spaced.
He believes you must become a thing to see it. s
unfathomable angles.
it. s necessity and majesty.
All living things tremble outwards towards him,
reclaiming their
balance
Green tea stains everything
on the pages, it makes the words
hazy. |turns, the cursive into jumbalia,
puts grace into my mispelings. because
the poems make more sense when you can't read
them. almost makes you want to read them more, that way
so you drink recklessly.
hand-crafted mug, pottery - sip splash.
your new medium, Green Tea Poetry
algorithms, presidential debates, science fiction.
We are the creationists, the writers, the leaf pickers.
the blue lines,
on the page are melting. no more blue collars.
around my neckline. no more order. no mas.
Solemente liberdad. Green Tea stains.
everything.
These gorgeous flowers only bloom once a year (in May) in the Cahaba River, there are literally thousands of them in places.. as you kayak down stream you are surrounded by their fragrance. Before leaving for Puerto Rico, Ryan and I took a trip to the river and were overcome by their natural beauty.
Miss Dorene.. Making quilts for nearly 60 years, the name of this one on the left is "Drunkard's Walk" - She told me that the swaying lines represent a man who has had to much whiskey!
Robert, hand builds his dulcimers from mahogany and walnut. I talked with Rob for nearly an hour and he filled me in on the stories and orgins of the Appalacian dulcimer. An intelligent and mischevious guy.. I really enjoyed his company.
I love everything about her room.. it is a perfect metaphor of the human mind.. the window letting in the new world.. the books and statues our memories and stories past. I love the deep reds in the rugs on the floor.. I love the plant pressing its leaves against the glass.. I love the mysteriousness and at the same time the openness.. its not what you see that gives this room complexity; its the poetry tucked away between smokey pages, and the dreams during a rainstorm that were shared here..
If I were to fall in love with a girl.. she would resemble this room.
I consider our ability to anticipate the future one of the most powerful, and yet debilitating human conditions.
We perceive the world through eyes that only know a "present" state of being.. we do not see reality as it will be, or ourselves as WE will be in the future. Our decisions and perceptions are hindered by the immediate moment.
I have noticed this in my own life - watching myself create visions of the future that are centered on an impermanent base. Life changes.. unpredictably, outlandishly, mysteriously - that is the motion of the universe.
I think that we can use that knowledge to our advantage! Using the ambiguity of life to actually open up possibilities in our mind. Imagine having a vision for life but being currently incapable of implementing it. Based on our condition of "present anticipation" we would see that vision as merely a fantasy because it does not align with our potential in the moment.
I believe that many times we do not pursue an inspiration simply because we assume it is not possible.. based on our limited view of reality. We take our current self (including impermanent limitations) and radiate it outwards into the future.. that future is built on those conditions and limitations of "NOW". When we do this, we are not viewing a real future.. but one that has artificial boundaries.
Here is where that can change. We have the opportunity to perceive an unlimited future reality. This is a reality that falls outside of our current limitations. If we understand that the future will not be merely a reflection of our "present" state.. then anything is possible! We accept the reality of change, knowing that life will gravitate in unforeseen directions.. and we embrace it! Truthfully, anything could happen. This is the idea of an unlimited future reality, that we are unencumbered in our thinking and pursuits. We do not discount our selves or our possibilities. There are so many factors that we cannot see yet, so many people, events and motions that will shape our future. We do not have to attempt to release expectation.. but we also don't have to be entrenched in a false sense of predictability.
Sitting under the stars, breathing heavy and sipping Merlot straight from the bottle.. the past few weeks finally caught up to me. I slouched back into the wet grass, letting the weight and the emotions of the month finally reach my lungs. I replayed images through my mind of the faces and the moments.. I saw the moss covered trees of Savannah and the perfectly trimmed lawns of Forsyth park, felt the wonderful sensation of diving into the moon-lit waves of the Gulf, heard beautiful voice of my nephew as he said my name for the first time, and watched the last difficult breaths of my grandfather - inhale... exhale. It takes effort, but I am always glad when I pause and filter back through life in my mind. I think often we keep memories and emotions boxed up inside without directly addressing them or giving ourselves permission to embrace or release their energy. Experiences build up.. we move on... but there is no closure. Filtering gives me closure.. it enables me to relive an experience without being limited by the emotion of that "moment". I feel like I'm filtering out the true colors of a scene.. my body feels better for it.
..and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.
I double exposed this slide before pulling it through the camera.. I love the effect, just getting a glipse of what's there, and letting your thoughts piece everything together to still make sense. I'll be doing more soon.
I believe that the universe is in a continual state of rewriting balance. My life has been written already - my energy - is continuation of the past and a glimpse of the future. I am living and breathing a circle that has existed and recreated itself for all of time.
If we were to lose our idea of existing within the framework of a "story", we would see ourselves (our experience) more clearly. Imagine that we are the expression of an infinite purpose, that instead of fulfilling a narrative, we are fulfilling an endless intention. If we are a "purpose" instead of merely a "story", this means that our form is infinitely adaptable. If we see that we contribute to life in a way that exists beyond our human limitations, then our need to be part of a story disappears. A story may have a beginning or and end, but a "purpose" continues regardless of the character. I feel that my story is a purpose - not that I "have" a purpose as a human, but that I am (my existence) is purpose. This is, to me, a more intimate way to observe our collective path.. to witness how completely we are rooted inside motion.
Purpose is indifferent, it shows no preference, no regard for how it achieves itself - so it can take any shape. Each of us become purpose on a level that has absolutely nothing to do with our humanity. We show reverence for our "self" but that "self" belongs to the echo of the universe - not our bodies, not our abilities. Purpose will work itself despite us, and through us, and with us - in an infinite way.
I keep falling down down is not the way up. And it feels. Maybe it is no longer the vacant place inside but a real one that grows and falls to pieces on its own. Maybe I am the it, and the one that breaks into shadows when the wind blows sideways. I feel like there is nothing left but up because down has been alright for so long. And it is more about finding your way back up that it is about finding a new way, or a strange connection to the ocean or the waves, or the sounds of music that flow outwards toward my face. I think that it takes great strength to find mercy in myself. There is no mercy in the face of creativity, there is no mercy. WE say that we are the creationists that we take ourselves outwards and create life around ourselves. And yet there is no mercy in creativity.. because cREAtivity is always UP. Never any other way but up, I have never felt like there was any other way but up. Can you find one? Can you show me where the spaces between down and sideways connect to UP. They do touch at some point and it is right there that I find myself. Wondering. Deciding that there can be more than one specific angle, I genuinely cannot find a better place to fall that inside a mind that does not shy away from the structure and the admiration for sideways thoughts. They grow and become the arrows of our mouths. I imagine that we are able to find ourselves whenever we are sideways.. because we are no longer looking UP and we are no longer looking DOWN. We can finally find ourselves where we exist in the space between the purple owl feathers. I don’t know if it takes more substance to breathe easily. Or more admiration to feel each breathe. And when I say that I am talking about seeing the walls disappear. There is just much that needs to be said and found and I am the one that needs to find and discover these things there is a throbbing robbin in my shoulder, and I need it massaged away. There is a bees nest in my heart and it wants to take a long good run through the back country roads. This is the talk of the moment.
I am of old and young, of the foolish as much as the wise, Regardless of others, ever regardful of others, Maternal as well as paternal, a child as well as a man, Stuffed with the stuff that is course, and stuffed with the stuff that is fine,
There is the art that everyone gets to glimpse at.. admire.. critique.. support or reject. There are the sculptures, the paintings, the poems.. And then there is art that exists beyond the common eyes. The details etched the walls and through the wiring. The intimate, the quiet, the purposed.. where, if you search closely, you find the sincerity of an artist to the moment in their hands.
A thought that has become very active in my mind recently is the accessibility of well-being . I have noticed in my own life that at times I neglect moving towards my goals of wellness, because I am overly focused on an ultimate outcome. There is, I believe, this false sense of distance between every-day action, and the output required to actually change. At times I think many of us feel this same way - that our ambitions outreach our means. We desire dramatic changes, we desire wellness, balance, peace.. yet we don't feel enabled to make such a vast and overwhelming jump. Often, aspirations of wellness are abandoned because there is simply too much effort between our present condition and "observable" success.
I was working with my friend Trent a few weeks ago putting a new ceiling in his house. Trent made the observation that we often overlook how dramatically simple actions affect our overall purpose. In order to "have a new ceiling", there were slight steps that had to be taken well before we were ready to actually install the panels of sheet rock. Buying screws, charging drills, ripping off wallpaper, cutting out old wood.. every step was critical for our ultimate vision. It is only by taking these small steps towards our purpose that we are able to succeed in a specific way.
At any time, when we say to ourselves, "I desire wellness, I desire well-being.", that statement does not have to be insincere or ambiguous. Well-being is accessible. Our intentions and slight actions daily are the driving forces behind great change. Even when we feel disconnected from our final purpose.. those simple steps take us inevitably into our desire.
Say it, Speak it right out of your mouth and into mind. I love the way your words have edges, new angles. New eyes. You've got your own voice, your mouth is a straight line into my circle thoughts into my stomach. ache because you punch hard with those similes. I love how poetry does not wander aimless, that it carves the heart out of eloquence and makes you stare at the veins. When you press your poet lips to the microphone the words are sixteen times heavier. full of weight. Chosen like a quiver full of hand carved arrows. Intentional.
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